Check In/Check Out

Business idea, mutherfuckers:

I call it check in/check out. It’s a website for those about to end it all. It’s a place where you go to write your innermost thoughts before jumping off that bridge, drinking that AJAX, doing that car exhaust thing*.

As a potential check-out-er (it’s what we like to be called) you have a place to go in your final days. None of us are sure we’re going to go through with it, but we might. We don’t want leave a note lying around the house, lest the housemaid find it (Consuela counselling: no thanks). But to enter a note in online? Something with a time-delay that will be sent to mum/dad/hubby/wife/poor sad child of a parent that can’t stand them, or the psychologist that failed pretty damn hard. This is a great idea.

To be honest I don’t give any more than zero fucks about people that kill themselves. We’re all on holiday on a lovely island that’s a bit cloudy at times; the guests that chose to leave early mean nothing to me. Good riddance, they were bringing the whole place down anyway.

But I like the idea of giving the healthcare professionals page upon page of depressing data on the final thoughts of those that actually followed through with it. Something they can reflect back to their patients (the aliveys, we like to be called).

And I (kind of) care about the ones that can be saved… the ones that are just sad, that think no one thinks like they do. The ones that have 40 years of pretty great shit ahead of them that they can’t see for the sun-blocking pile of shit currently in front of them.

These are the losers I give a fuck about (a little bit). These are the losers that should be typing this shit out. Seeing it on the screen, the pixels reading it back to them. Typing in your parent’s e-mail addresses. These are the losers that worry about accidentally sending a suicide email to their dad and haven’t yet thought about Dad finding their cooling carcass on the bathroom floor.

Day’s will go by. The loser that just talks about suicide will panic a bit that all their writing will be sent to their loved ones if they don’t log in and put it on hold. They will imagine how it others will feel, they will re-read what they’ve written, they will think about it. Maybe.

Monetisation I haven’t worked out. It might be one of those things I do just for the joy of reading suicide notes helping others.

*A lot of people kill themselves. A lot of people are stupid. A lot of people drive a Prius. Think about that.