Having recently discovered the key to happy living, I have found that it in no way relates to actually being happy. In fact it was recently after my discovery that I discovered that it made sweet fuck all difference to my level of happiness. I was and is miserable.
And so here we are with part two. Or the letter i, written twice, if you’re fucking roman.
This time around it’s not all about shaking car keys, it’s about not being the opposite to happy.
I’m going to imagine that the things that annoy you, dear reader, are the things that annoy me. And therefore we are one. And furthermore (first time using furthermore in a sentence, yeeha) I know what makes you happy, ergo (yipee!) I know how to make you happy.
And here it is: wake up each morning and think about all the things that could possibly make you mad, and get mad, get fucked right off, gi nebtak** before getting out of bed.
This morning I woke up and got pissed off that a gaggle of twits, after a lady’s lunch, blocked the footpath with their prams while yammering about what Jason was doing WRT his career. Although Jason exists only in my imagination, he can burn in hell for all eternity as far as I’m concerned.
I was also pretty pissed off that I had to do a whole lot of work that someone asked for, then when I was 80% of the way through, they changed their mind, I didn’t need to do it at all! And would you believe the lift took ages to come and also there was a dude on the bus watching a movie on his phone, without earphones.
All this angered me greatly, before my feet even hit the ground. I got out of bed, had a shower, did morning stuff* and went to work. I didn’t come across movie-phone-bus guy, nor the baby wheelchair muster. I did have to abandon a task halfway through due to fucking whimsy, and that brought me joy. I had pre-empted anger and frustration. And so, just like if you fix yourself up too much before sex, when the moment came it wasn’t quite so spectacular. I wasn’t angry. I wasted hours of my life on a pointless task due to the inconsideration of another human and it didn’t matter, I’d already done the mad several hours earlier.
Later, driving along, (I think you know what I’m about to say) the taxi driving in front of me stopped abruptly to let a passenger out. I had to break so suddenly that I was too close to pull around them. I had to sit and wait. I did not care. I got angry about this exact scenario last week, I’m spent, in that respect. Thank god I wasn’t driving, just running along behind a taxi yelling choo chooo.
Did I mention that I miss Erica? Not relevant but still something going on. Also that’s my outro.
* I still don’t really know what the other humans do in their lives. I feel like I’m writing a movie. You all wash and stuff, right?
** No, if you don’t know what gi nebtak is, I can’t explain it.