New Emotion

We’re all different.

You, me, every fucker. We all have different emotions and … fuck, why am I doing an intro.

I had a new emotion today. I will call it sorrow-joy*.

I felt a little weird, I left the pub. I bought food, I walked home, I started to cry in the lift, not too bad.

I laughed as I put the key in the lock. I’m laughing as I tap at my keyboard. It’s still with me, this … fuck …

Fuck I’m happy, fuck I’m sad. I’ve been both, but never both. I dropped to the floor once I was inside. I’m lucent enough that my back hurts. Lucid enough that it’s weird. Lucid enough that I’m scared.

I’m pretty scared, to be honest. This isn’t right.

My mouth is open, my eyebrows are up. I’ve never felt further from what I feel I should be. And I’m a nut-case at the best of times.

A tear is on my cheek but I want more. I’m trying to cry. To cry properly. But it’s turning into laughs.

This isn’t right.

* My picnic of love with portmanteaus was shat upon by the pterodactyl ‘Brangelina’. There will be no witty conjoining of words.