I finished off a deodorant roll/stick thing this morning. I was halfway through the application process. So now my left armpit is slathered in Lynx Chocolate Action Extreme and my right armpit awash with Rexona for Men Original 48hr Rugged Protection.

It doesn’t feel right. I’m worried that something will happen, that they will seep in through my skin and meet in the middle of my chest right near whatever the fuck is in the middle of my chest and cause some chemical reaction that travels to my brain and I’ll start thinking of weird shit about giraffes. My eyes will start shifting from side to side as the two forces battle it out, I will go to a bank to cash a cheque because that is something I need to do today and they will think I’m casing the joint and I will be arrested. In jail everyone will think I’m looking at them sideways and I won’t make any friends and I will be lonely. I will get lots of reading done I guess.

I’ll do the cheque thing another day. But I need to be careful that I don’t veer to one side while walking, just for today. I’ll focus on a point on the horizon and make sure I walk directly towards that. In fact I think it’s best if I stay inside.