As I walked from my bus to work one frosty morn’, I passed a homeless man reading a book, and thought to myself “oh, I wish I had more time to read”*

That’s right, I lamented my lack of leisure time. I didn’t notice that he was soaked from the rain, had no shoes, or that the book was upside down. I think that makes me an awful person. How does one go about finding out if they’re an awful person.

Also, where are all the homeless women? My efforts to find a homeless Asian was a bust, but I kind of get why. All Asians are good at math, and really, if you do the sums, being homeless is a pretty bad idea. So maybe you just don’t see the homeless women because they’re, like, stay at homeless mums. CEO of their home(less). Yeah, I don’t know.

I saw my favourite homeless guy on the weekend coming out of a 7-Eleven with two litres of milk. Milk, you may have noticed, is one of those substances that cannot be consumed on it’s own. By all means, pour yourself a tall glass of milk. Sit at your weird wooden table that’s kind of in the kitchen but not really, and sip sip sip until the glass is empty. On your own. With, like, no music playing or anything. You’ll be collecting butterflies and taking photos of people watching TV from behind a camellia in their backyard in no time. Fucking weirdo.

This leads me to believe that the homeless man had something for the milk to go with. But what! Cornflakes? That, in turn, needs a bowl (I’ve tried, cornflakes and milk really needs a bowl). This man doesn’t have a bowl. Coffee? How much milk does he have with his coffee? Even if he’s having lattes, that’s still many many litres of coffee. And WHERE IS THE COFFEE MACHINE! Maybe it’s to feed the ducks and he thought they’d had enough bread. But WHERE ARE THE DUCKS! Maybe he showers in it and just grossly misunderstands some things that are obvious to you and I.

Oh my it’s all such a mystery. I just hope that the milk didn’t go to waste. No word of a lie, when I walked out of the 7-Eleven behind him with my 600ml of milk, I felt a little milk envy.

* “Thought to myself”. Who the fuck else would I be thinking to?