A Discovery

Recently, I’ve been getting out of the house a lot. Every two or three days I’ll be going to this place or that. This has lead me to notice that I wee quite a lot. I guess I hadn’t noticed up until now because I have a toilet in my house that doesn’t take long to get to.

I’m sure I didn’t used to wee so much. Like, every hour. If I have a one-hour meeting, I need to make sure I have access to a wee place (bathroom, etc.) immediately before and after the meeting. Even if there are no other people/animals at the meeting, it’s rude to get up halfway through to do one of the most disgusting things a person can do (I’ve never accidentally done a poo on my hands).

Another thing that happened a few months ago is that sparkling water was on sale at my local supermarket. I like sparkling water, it’s like wet Christmas in my hand. Without all the other people knowing about it. God Christmas would be great if no one else knew about it. I’d sit at home with a fuck-off-huge cake with 2014 candles and sing happy birthday Jesus and have no one tell me to ‘not be like that’.

This water is in 800ml bottles (1 pound, I guess) that I like. They’re pretty bottles.

I refill them with tap water which is great trick I learnt from my great grandfather as a way to not have to walk to the supermarket each time I want more water.


A note on sentences that start with “in my day …”  and end in a complain about the cost of things (yeah I just nounified ‘complain’). Right now, all of you have a choice to make. You can either grow old into the person that tells people that a meat pie was only $1 when you grew up. In which case you’re a jerk. Or you can tell people that when you were a lad a meat pie cost $1 and that since then the cost has risen roughly in line with your salary and that’s known as inflation.


So rather than buy a new $8 bottle of water, I refill it. Since I have stopped filtering my water (because a small part of me wants to die) the bottle refills more quickly. So refilling the bottle maybe six or seven times a day is no great strain on my time.

And that, I think, is why I wee so much.

 

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