Dear 99%

Let’s see. I’ve picked on males, females, racist people, sexist people (and probably sounded quite racist and sexist in the process) … I might do a big sweep and pick on the 99%.

OK I’m not going after all of the 99%, just those that identify as being The 99% and especially those that have a t-shirt saying so and a tent in a public place to protest and want to be deep inside Wall Street. I’m sure Wall Street would love to occupy them too (ya know, up the ass).

I was going to write all of this with made up figures, but found an article with even better numbers. They didn’t quote a source, so I’m not quoting them. Which makes it double-legit.

That awful, greedy, nasty, grey haired evil 1% accounts for 1/3 of charitable donations. A fucking third! If your immediate reaction to that was a sentence that started with ‘yeah but’ and included any sentiment including ‘more to give’, ‘less as a percentage’ or ‘tax breaks’ then you’re a jerk, my friend. A big fat jerk.

Because the people on the receiving end don’t care. They just care that they have food/water/shelter or whatever the fuck charities are for. And you’re going to sit there on your dirty camp chair claiming that Rich Dude One only gave a cool couple of mil to people in need of pants just so he could pay less tax?

You need to build a little complexity into your model of hating rich people. Start with ‘they broke wall street and I lost my job’. Keep all the other negative views you have as well, why not. Now breathe … and add in the fact that they cover 30% of charitable donations while you’re sitting in your tent, and (in the USA) a whopping 36% of the taxes. 1% paying 36% of the taxes. If the 1% shirked their tax-paying responsibilities, the 99% would need to cover that lost 36%. And if you think their bonuses are ridiculous and want them all halved? Same effect, dipshit.

If you’re having trouble mixing positive and negative thoughts about a single group of people in you’re head then I’m afraid you’re still a jerk and there’s little hope for you.

Full disclosure: I’m unemployed.