A note to the thong-footed sleeveless male. I am impressed by your muscles, you are evidently quite adept at picking up some amount of weight and putting it back down.

And your grasp of physiology is impressive too – that you just know that if you pick up a weight up and put it down multiple times, your body will decide that this is an important task for you, and make sure you have the muscles required to perform this task again in the future.

This is not my point though. I also lift weights, you might be interested to know. I bet you were expecting a joke there about lifting dishes or the cat or my penis to get up onto it’s cleaning station. Sorry to disappoint.

My point is that you’re quite cool with your muscles and singlet and dark glasses and tattoos and manly strut. But not if you are pushing a stroller (pram/pushchair/كرسي يدفع باليد). Once you have decided that your task for the immediate future is to push a stroller, you may lose the shades, don some sleeves, and cease the ‘you looking at me?’ stare.

I hate to pick on just one sex, so to the corporate eye-candy ladies … I am impressed that your legs are a good shape, smooth and the same colour as when my toast is just right. It’s nice that I can see so much of them, too. I have no comment on equality in the workplace and whether dressing sexy enforces a stereotype to the ageing sexist male.

But if you’ve hurt yourself and are wearing a plaster cast up to your knee and walking with crutches, I think it’s time to temporarily abandon the corporate catwalk and maybe wear pants. Or at least something with a hemline down past the bit where the top of the cast is. You look silly.