My life is awful. It really is terrible. Everything is turning to shit and I feel like I’m going to snap. I give it a week. I don’t know who I’ll go to then.
Parents are an obvious choice but they don’t need the worry. And Erica (the girl of my dreams) would never actually know, I’d just not be at the other end of the line any more.
I don’t know what form the snapping will take. I’m planning the note. I’ll mention the voices, that I tried. I really did try.
I’m thinking about the people who will read it. Do I make sure I’m logged out of my gmail before I go? People don’t need to read how pointless everything I’ve ever said is. Do I cancel, like, electricity and internet and stuff? What if I chicken out at the last minute? I imagine that last thing one needs after a failed suicide attempt is to call the gas company and have to wait at home between 9 and 12 for a guy to come and read the meter. Do they think I’ve got nothing better to do? I’m not trying to be funny when I say that the administration side of things is a significant deterrent.