They’re Coming For Me

I live in a suburb, and in the middle of this suburb is a village. It’s called Crows Nest Village. As far as I can tell, a village is an area with a high proportion of people vs things to do. None of this is important. The village is largely divided by a road.

I’ve been frequenting this village for a month or so now and have noticed something. I’ve never seen a magpie on the West Side of the street and I’ve never seen a pigeon on the East Side. At first I thought, funny observation, but as the rule continued to grow without an exception, it became more and more bizarre. And this morning, I saw a pigeon and a magpie duking it out on a crossing. Right there in the middle of the street. Shit you not.

I know what you’re thinking. A magpie would kick a pigeon’s ass. This is true, but the pigeon had four other pigeons right behind it, and three up on the roof of the bank overlooking the crossing. And that magpie was all alone ‘cept for her children who were squealing in the background. I’ve got a lot of respect for single mother magpies that still manage to go to work. Fuck knows where dad is.

I didn’t want to stick around to see who won. You don’t want to be standing watching a gang fight when it finishes. Because then you’re left facing a dozen pigeons (there’s a dozen now) full of pigeon testosterone that have just killed and are thirsty for more. Fuck that I say, so I went on my way.


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